This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
