my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
