I will die if light touches me.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
