when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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