I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
