i already hear my dad disowning me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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