ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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