All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
