Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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