I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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