just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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