he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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