May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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