Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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