haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
