i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Please don't give away my fajitas
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
