What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
