i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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