you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
