i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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