im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
