I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
