Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
