don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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