Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
