My liver just broke up with me...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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