I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
