i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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