i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She bit a glass in half.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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