Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You can't motorboat a personality
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
