Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
