Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
