i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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