did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
