If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
