Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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