I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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