that's an acceptable place to lick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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