I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
