Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
