You just made me feel so damn special
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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