I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
