Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
