Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
