dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
