so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
