The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone shattered a urinal.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
