don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
