It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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