i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
