do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Randomize
